STORY OF MICHELLE
42 years old. Working mom
As a working mum, life's always hectic, it’s the same wherever you look. I thought it was normal. That's what happens if you choose to combine having kids with working. I couldn't imagine just being at home all the time like my friend Antoinette. But I'd started to notice that I was getting more frequent headaches and that I was waking up tired in the mornings. I'd sometimes catch myself yelling at the children for no real reason.
One day while we were having drinks with the neighbours, Saskia showed me her StressChecker. She was so enthusiastic about how it had given her a new insight into her life. Just between you and me, I thought she was talking rubbish: I'm perfectly able to tell whether I'm stressed or not. But I checked my stress level that evening anyhow, just for fun. To be honest, the results shocked me a bit, since the reading showed that I was in the danger zone. It was a Friday evening, so I put it down to having been at work all week, etc., but it played on my mind all weekend. That Monday, I decided to buy my own StressChecker, which I ordered online from the Respilex webshop. In the first week, I did the three 'intake tests'. It seemed that the reading from that first evening was right – I was very close to the danger zone. And naturally, once you know that, you want to do something about it.
Not just my work
At first I thought that the stress was primarily being caused by my work. I work in the communication department of an energy company; most of my colleagues are younger than me, don't have kids and they work full time. For them, it's no problem to stay up watching all the late-night news and talk shows covering the energy sector. I always feel a bit guilty when I've missed one of those television programmes, or feel uncomfortable when I can't fully join in with the conversations during coffee breaks. Since I only work four days a week, I rarely tend to get everything done that I need to, and often take work home with me to finish off in the evenings or at weekends. So after seeing the StressChecker results, I went to see our company's occupational social worker. She helped me to set up a meeting with my boss to discuss the amount of work I was trying to do. I've now been able to hand over one project, which helps a lot. The results from the StressChecker confirm it, since I've moved a bit further away from the danger zone. But there were still some other problems, so the occupational social worker advised me to take a good look at my private life too.
Saying 'No' is not my strong point
Using the StressChecker, I've started to look at which activities cause me to get stressed, and what helps me to relax. Every Wednesday evening, for example, my brother calls me at precisely half past eight spouting all kinds of rubbish. Last week, I switched my StressChecker on while I was on the phone to him. The indicator went crazy! It seems that his phone calls irritate me more than I realised. One week, as a test, I decided to use the StressChecker on all the phone calls I received, and I noticed that the needle moved towards the negative side whenever I was called by people wanting something from me (such as my mother, my brother, my friend Monique who is always depressed): sympathy, advice, etc. Yet whenever I had my sister on the phone, who always looks on the bright side of life, I saw that the needle remained in the 'healthy' zone. Those kind of results really set me thinking – it seems I'm doing some things that I don't really want to do, and I'm feeling responsible for things that I don't need to feel responsible for. Saying 'No' is obviously not my strong point, and I’ve got some serious thinking to do about how to deal with that. I've started to talk about my StressChecker results with my brother during our weekly phone calls. I was dreading bringing the subject up, but luckily he reacted really well. Once he'd got over the initial shock, we were able to discuss it properly. Actually, that was probably the first time that our phone calls were about me, not him! That made me feel a lot better, and maybe my brother even liked it too, having me share something about myself for a change instead of just saying "Oh, everything's fine here." I suppose I should have a similar conversation with my other 'energy-sappers', but I'm taking things one step at a time. After all, it's quite daunting to have to broach a topic like that.
No to the sauna, yes to Pilates
It's one thing to know what causes stress. But to me, the biggest benefit of the StressChecker is that I'm gradually learning what helps me to relax too. Everyone around you is always happy to tell you what they think you MUST do to relax. My neighbour, Saskia, once persuaded me to go to the sauna with her. It was so relaxing, she said... Well, I just got more and more agitated – it was far too hot, and your skin goes all wrinkly! But while we were there, I saw a leaflet about Pilates lessons held locally. I've been to Pilates a couple of times now, and I really love it. When I got home after the lesson yesterday, I took a reading with the StressChecker to see how it reacted. And you bet, the needle indicated that I was relaxed. It's great to see results like that. Next weekend we've planned to go hiking with a group of friends, I can't wait to see what the StressChecker has to say for itself on Sunday evening!
If I had to sum it up, I would say that the StressChecker hasn't taken away the feeling that I’m always in a rush, but it has given me a good idea of where I need to look to ease the problem. I'm learning what really works for me!
